Michelle & I met & started dating over six years ago, we’ve been living together more than three years. I’d seen her that morning — she kissed me goodbye at 6am and left to go do her hair & makeup. We did pictures that morning so I’d spent a bunch of time with her in her wedding-dress glory a lot before the actual ceremony.
All this familiarity did not diminish the impact of the moment she walked up the aisle to give herself to me. Previously I’d thought I might cry when I saw her then and I was right. Tears flowed down my face, unfortunately my nose was flowing also. I had to stiffen up a bit…my aikido sensei was watching!
We’d put a lot of thought into the ceremony to come up with something simple and somehow expressive of our inexpressible non-sectarian spiritual outlooks. I’d searched for a Buddhist reading on love and marriage and discovered there is none. Tao Te Ching — lots of wisdom but nothing that wouldn’t come off as enigmatic and ponderous at a wedding. Khalil Gibran — too soupy and played out. Finally we looked in Rumi and there was one thing that worked:
This Marriage – Ode 2667
May these vows and this marriage be blessed.
May it be sweet milk,
this marriage, like wine and halvah.
May this marriage offer fruit and shade
like the date palm.
May this marriage be full of laughter,
our every day a day in paradise.
May this marriage be a sign of compassion,
a seal of happiness here and hereafter.
May this marriage have a fair face and a good name,
an omen as welcome
as the moon in a clear blue sky.
I am out of words to describe
how spirit mingles in this marriage.
My teacher did a really nice job of reading it, with just the right touch of gravity. Then we went into the cups ceremony or the san-san-kudo, the challenge in this was the set we got had these really really tiny-assed cups. But the extra attention we had to pay in order to not spill or fumble helped give a sublime weight to our movements in carrying out the ritual.
With the vows and the ring exchange I felt the same sense of weight and after decades of speaking and doing in the theatre, in church, for the first time there was no meaning separate from the words and the act. It was also that astounding thing that happens in a wedding — that this intense intimacy was at this moment public, that I felt so close to her in this private exchange that was being shared with a room full of 165 people.
And all the energy that people gave us…the fact that everyone’s there because of our relationship, and all the good vibes they gave me as I circulated…it was almost an overload of feeling. The one thing I was anxious about through the reception was my speech, which was going to be last. Michelle’s mom’s speech was notable for ennumerating all of Michelle’s accomplishments including her SAT scores. When it was my turn I thanked her parents for entrusting me with her and thanked our friends who helped with the wedding…I remember seeing my dad and how happy he looked.
My new wife was really stunning in the Chinese dress she’d put on for the reception. Between the reception and our afterparty we walked all over Central Park and took posed pictures with our friend John Ko the photographer. It was a classic New York experience — people kept looking at us, walking up to us, congratulating us, complimenting her — we attracted so much more attention than I would have expected amidst street performers, hip hop dancers and skaters. But she looked so beautiful and we must have been giving off a magnetic aura of conjugal joy.
Our friends Christine (pictured) & Tony threw an afterparty for us which was a chance to unwind and catch up with our friends. It was a perfect close to the day.
The last picture’s me bonding with my brothers (not stepbrothers, half-brothers to be precise, same dad. If you’re just getting to know me and haven’t yet seen the video of how we survived Hurricane Katrina, click here.
Man, what a beautiful ceremony! I wish I could have been there, but was thinking of you both on the day. All the best from your Seattle compadre!
TD
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What a beautiful day – I love that Rumi ode, also. I may steal it, myself. Congratulations on a wonderful ceremony and … are you writing plays yet? You have a beautiful turn of phrase… Just a thought… xxx-a.
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Don’t let Mr. Sachsy see that you wrote “Christine threw the afterparty….” He’s already got enough insecurity from being Mr. Sachs. HAHAHAHAHHA
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